Where do I start? No news is good news? Its now 6.1 years since we received that terrible news, oh the things i'd love to tell myself, back then. No Annemarie, this is not a death sentence. No Annemarie, the BEST of your life is not over. Your not going
to live 40 odd years in grief.
Why have I left it so long between posts? trying not to test the waters? trying not to test fate? When youve had something as horrendous as a Child have Cancer. You learn to live with your head in the sand a little.
The minute anything sets off your 'Mum-radar' your on high alert until you receive the 'All Clear'. Sometimes it can be a week or two, the funny pain coming and going and sometimes it can be weeks. Weeks until the 'scan' delivers you a decision. Life or death.
Luckily for us, thus far its been life. Not only life, but thriving life.
To live is one thing. To 'Thrive' is another.
Joshua has thrived. I have thrived.
We are linked as Mother and Son through a bond I cannot explain. As a parent,
when your child gets ill. You get ill. You try your best, in the deepest depth of your soul, to carry it. To wear it, to shoulder it. To take what they had, upon yourself.
It doesn't go away. It just fades like bright black ink in the sun. It just lessens
in intensity. But it remains, for me. I carry it, in everything I do.
I run again. I've run marathons, i'm currently training for my first Ultramarathon.
It hurts. It hurts a lot physically. But its nothing, because I feel, So ALIVE!
47 years old now and I feel 20. I live and breathe forests, streams, mountains, views.
I live and breathe people, in all their glorious forms.
I'm so pleased we had the lesson of 'Cancer'. I'm a better person for it.
Joshua, it doesn't remain for him.
Joshua is a definition of 'determination'
He watched his 6 year old brother and his 2 year old sister doing an excersise class. He couldn't move his left side at all. He could not walk. He was sitting on my
lap, on the floor, and he decided, this would not be his destiny.
Joshua completed his second 'Weetbix Tryathalon' two weeks ago.
He blitzed it. I saw the 'grit' I see in top NZ grade Athletes, I saw the determination.
Joshua has alot
of living to do yet.
He's a Rockstar.
The rest of us, we are just lucky we get to go for the ride.