The ruddy fever is back, only stayed away for a day. Yesterday we took him down to our 'Auckland house' it was so nice, I felt the teensiest bit normal. Cooked a meal
for everybody, but then Joshua started losing the plot and we had again to leave again.. he was febrile.
The temperature stayed away for about 18 hrs. Then it snuck back, just a 38.2 to start with at about 4pm. We got him back upstairs and they started
talking IV fluids and I was pushing him to drink, and then of course there was a projectile puke.... oh well, it meant he went for a shower without a fight anyway!
I could take him for a shower without a punch up, so to speak! Then over night he went
to 39 again and then on the ward round they start talking about blood cultures, urine specs and chest xrays again. Patrick does reassure me they wont do another Lumbar puncture. It's just really depressing.
The hero on the ward is Rob, the house surgeon,
a quiet unassuming bright young Englishman, who is out here for a year. He is so lovely with me, he listens to my objections and tries to compromise with me. I really appreciate the way he cares. He doesn't railroad me, just says 'this is what we would like
to do, but I would like your approval' unfortunately my veiw is always the same, 'don't stab my son!'
Its still a bad time, Joshua is still very flat. I have a new child, there is pre-surgery Joshua and post-surgery Joshua. My mood goes with his
and at the moment it's two very grumpy people spending 24/7 together.
This is what it's like.. Joshua wants me all the time, he never wants me to leave, but he's miserable. His only control is saying 'no'. So he says 'no' to everything, but because
he's febrile, I have to push fluids and try and get him to eat. So we are constantly at war, and then of course there is the stuff that he won't let the Nursing Staff do, that I have to do, like giving him pamol in his butt and enema's and things like that.
So he lashes out a lot at me and the staff and I just want to run away. It's a whole new co-dependent relationship, this beautiful little child who should be at home, running around screaming and yelling. We've always been 'inside voice Joshua" now his
voice is so quiet he has to repeat himself several times before I hear him. I swear it's breaking me.
I've had to many days in a row now without the 'sonshine' the glow of the happiness that radiates warmth to me from my son. We go down to 'the school
house' to take Daniel to school, but Joshua doesn't want to stay, he says he wants to go back to the hospital. We have physio looming. At physio yesterday he lay on the floor and kicked and screamed. I ask Mike for a time out, I go up to St Lukes and mooch
for two hours. I'm having a bad day, the constant fevers, threats of bloods, not drinking, not pooping, and the poopy mood, it's all getting to me.
As always I find solice in a shoe shop. If I was a size 10 it would be in David Lawrence, but I'm not,
so it's just as well I have damn gorgeous feet (even if the polish is chipped). So shoes it is for me. I find a 'turkish shoeshop, and I swear they look like lollies to me. I snaffle up a pair of wedges with lots of pretty colored flowers across the bridge.
From the ankles down I could be Liz Hurley. From the ankles up it goes pair shaped very quickly, but I like my feet. I am concerned however that if we are here until July... that could be a lot of shoe therapy!
When I return, Joshua is a little
better, Physio wasn't as bad today as it was yesterday. He's still febrile though. I have to take him back to the ward at 3pm because he's 39 c and I know they won't be happy about that. He also hasn't pee'd for about 16 hours, very worrying. He's been
asleep in the buggy the last hour.
I get him upstairs to find the buggy is drenched, so he's finally peed, I start changing his pants and make a nice steamy delivery as well, so I'm most happy about that after four days with no action! So our day improves.
I'm so happy to see just a little improvement, I needed it badly. So when Rob comes to see me later to say that he wants to do some bloods, just as a prick, because he's up to 38.5, I deal with it.
In my flash shoes of course.